My New Years Resolution

Well, well, well. Another January 1 has rolled around. As I sit here hungover I realize I should be making some new years' resolutions - so there they are:

1. Gain 10 pounds by the end of the year to ensure I maintain my reserve weight in case of sickness (I could currently live for 12 months).

2. Try to cut back on my work out schedule - muscles and lungs are like socks - they wear out if you use them too much.

3. Start drinking before noon - really show my commitment - I have a liver, why not use it.

4. Spend money as quickly as I earn it so I don't leave any unspent if I die unexpectantly.

5. Watch more TV - I am not yet COMPLETELY Americanized, so clearly I must watch more.

6. Use my signal lights less so that I may possibly develop the ESP communication other drivers use to tell me they are moving into my lane, right in front of me!!

7. Start using paper plates, cups and napkins - I've realized I am not doing my part in this world wide effort to destroy the earth!

8. Have less sex, so I too can move through my days in a pissed off mood and therefore fit in better in my surroundings.

9. Run with scissors - I paid for em - I'm running with em!!

10. Swear more, which will allow for clearer communication!!

There it is - lets hope I can stick to these resolutions as I know they will make the world a better place. Email me and let me know what your resolutions are!!